It's Over

Lots of changes goin on lately. landon & i actually broke up. i knew it was coming, but it still hurts really bad. i feel like i've lost something in me. crazy right? we were not very similar at all, but that's what kind of made it work. i just wish it wouldn't have gotten so ugly. we had a major fight. he's like totally social & likes always being out. i don't. don't get me wrong, i like to go out with friends & stuff, but i'm not big on big parties. landon was. his whole life was a party. probably cuz he graduated from hs & i haven't and he doesn't work. i have my site...which like takes up a lot of time & he just doesn't get it. sad really.

Everyone thinks we'll get back together, but i don't know this time. we've broken up before, but always got right back together. this time is different. we don't see each other in school anymore since he graduated, so we have to purposely call each other in order to talk.

I'm grateful for the time we were together, cuz i think i grew up a lot. he exposed me to a whole different world. his family is rich. some would think my family is, too, but trust me...we are nothing like the ________ family. My parents have money cuz they have good careers, but landon's parents have money cuz the people before them had it & the people before them had it, etc. etc.!! i will miss the nice restraunts & trips we've taken, but i won't miss the constant fighting over such petty stuff.

My BF is Back in Town!!!

My "best" bf is here visiting from oregon. her name is Lindsey. she moved away before the end of the school year last year (which totally blew) & is back visiting her dad for fall break. her dad is rich & is all about the money & poor lindsey is caught in the middle. she said her parent's divorce is worst on her mom. her dad doesn't give her mom enough money. i guess it's all being worked out in the courts or something, but the reality is she had to move out of her big house here in colorado & in with some aunt.

all that stuff with her parents made me really think about marriage. God knows i want to get married someday, but it scares me sometimes, too. i practically grew up with lindsey. i've known her parents most of my life. they were a great couple. always holding hands & had a great house & stuff, but things went soar all last year. you'd think it would be my parents (out of all the couples) who would be divorcing, cuz they always seem stressed about money & stuff, but it's not (thnk God!!) instead it's was lindsey's parents. if it can happen to her "perfect" family who is to say it won't happen to me. scary.

Haters...Zero Tolerance

the 1st thing i do every moring and yes, this is going 2 make me sound like such a goober, but i check my myspace. i don't have a personal myspace (which i probably should), but all i have is a bizness one. honestly, between my site, school, myspace & my blog...i have no time 4 a personal myspace. all my friends are on it, including landon & i have my phone...tg 4 texting!! lol

well, this morning i have this 14 year old little girl post a "i don't give a F" on my status. i don't care that she doesn't give a F, but why take the time & energy to post somethin like that? she's a kid. really. if i talked like that at 14, my parents would have put soap in my mouth!! lol my response to her was ...show some class & oh yea, "consider yourself blocked"!!

i think swearing shows a lack of intelligence. ik what ur thinkin...i sound like such a prude, but really. there are so many words you can use 2 get ur point accross that r so much more cutting than a swear word. o.k. done preachin!! lol

my boyF is out of town this weekend. actually, he's gone until thurs. ik this sounds mean, but it's kinda a good thing. we r so on-again-off-again. he's really changed since he graduated last year. idk...maybe it's me. i'm not sure if i want to be so serious my senior year. i mean really, this is my last year of being a kid. next year i start college & even tho i know that is going to be a trip- it's also goin 2 b a lot of work. i'm strugglin this year in hs, how is college goin 2 b? i'm not dumb- just rather being drawing & doin my art then paying attention to my boring teachers!! lol
part of me thinks i need to just hang out with my bf's & go out with other guys. landon takes all my spare time. he's rich, doesn't have 2 work & i do. everything gets pushed back so i can hang with him. don't think that's good. idk...maybe this week off is good.

Single Ain't So Bad.....right????????

idk...just when things start getting good w/ landon, i'm feeling insecure. we've been doin good and i luv him 2 death, but i'm tired of all the little stuff that gets us fightin. i'm real quiet, 2 quiet accordin 2 him. i'm social, but really only with people i know. i guess u could say i'm shy. i don't like parties. sorry all, but i don't. not unless i know everyone. why should i spend my time talkin w/ people that don't care one bit bout me, just so he can be top-man at the party? yea- there, i said it. he's the extravert in our relationship. everyone loves landon. he's tall, dark & gorgeous...who wouldn't be in luv with him. his personality is opposite of mine, but that's supposed 2 be a good thing, right? i dont know why i'm feeling this way and NO i'm not pmsing!!!! he went hunting with his dad this weekend & i won't see him till next wed. kinda glad we have a break. ik...that is aweful isn't it?

Sweet Flowers & School

ok... so i have like the best boyF around. he surprised me 2nite with flowers (tulips) my fav. we weren't in a fight or nothin. he can b so sweet. his name is landon <3 by the way. he's hot & doesn't no it, so that makes him even hotter 2 me.

school was o.k. 2day. i decided the trouble i'm havin is not anyone's fault but mine. i just want 2 b done. been at this thing for like 12 years now...14 if u count pre-school. no what i mean? the only time i was really happy in school is when i was in art classes. eveything else just bores me. i'm not trying to be a drama queen, but i've got 2 step it up a notch or i'm going to bomb.

wtf...gotta go...my mom is yelling something from downstairs. it's muffled, but i can tell by the tone that someone is in trouble!!!!!!!!!

Long Time NO Post :(

ok...so i haven't been on here 4 a while. i say that a lot (lol). that's going to change this time- i promise. i do need this blog, cuz i need a place 2 vent. myspace is good, but it's so tied to my bizness that i feel like i need to hold back. yea...not like this isn't tied to my biz, but it's harder 2 get 2 so i figure if you're here it's cuz u want to b.

lots been happin. my boyF & i almost broke up this summer. i swear sometimes he drives me crazy. i luv him so much, tho so it's worth all the drama. just got to work stuff out. he's a guy-i'm a gurl...that's huge right there. can u relate?

my biz is doing good. i have some 5,000 friends on myspace & i get a lot of positive feedback. thnks all. it means a lot.

i'm not doin so good in school...i thought my senior year was supposed to b ez...no...it is NOT ez at all. i'm distracted this year. rather be workin on my mini-laptop. yea- got a new mini-from my dad this summer. i think he's thinkin the more he supports my biz the less money he'll dish out of his wallet on me!! lol

all 4 now-

Website Problems!!!!!!!

i'm sure some of you have noticed (cuz lots have emailed me about this), but my graphics are messed up on my site. i've gone in & looked at the code a dozen times, but i can't find the problem. it's probably a stupid period or comma- it's frustrating. if i had a boss, i'm sure he'd fire me by now. thanks for being patient and for those who are not...too bad-so sad :D